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| Dear Debbie, I have a problem that I think lots of other people have so I am hoping you can help me. I have two children, Cindy who is seven months old and Tyler who is almost six. Tyler is in morning kindergarten so my friends and neighbors know I am home in the afternoon and I have become the drop off house for everybody else's kids. Sometimes I do not mind because Tyler can play with the other kids but sometimes I don't want to be responsible for other children. Enough is enough! To make matters worse no one ever offers to take my children to give me a break. I am really worried about the summer. Just because I am home does not mean that I am not working! Help! -Neighborhood Nanny Dear NN, Have no fear I hear you loud and clear. You are absolutely right - a stay at home mom is a working mom, no question about it. I see two problems and a few solutions. The first problem is that your friends and neighbors have somehow received the message from you that is it okay to drop their children at your house while they go about their business. What probably started out as being neighborly has become a second job for you with no salary or benefit package! Remember that you have the right to say "No" whenever a friend asks to drop off a child at your house. I know this will be difficult for you, but it will feel good to assert yourself. A simple, "Gee, Tuesday morning won't work for me," or "I don't think I can help out. Things are hectic here now that Cindy is crawling," will hopefully get the message across. For those stubborn neighbors, a firm "No, sorry I have my hands full with my own children," is perfect. Do not worry about hurting someone's feelings. You have to take care of yourself and your children first. The second problem here is, while you open up your house to other children, your friends do not offer to reciprocate. I understand that your friends are working outside of the home and may not be able to watch your children, but they may be able to offer other services. For instance, an afternoon of your babysitting services may be traded for a neighbor's gardening expertise, or giving you that pineapple upside down cake you love, or better yet, you pass off your dry cleaning or grocery list. Think outside of the box for things that would make your life easier. Bartering is a great way to make you feel like you are no longer being taken advantage of while still keeping your friendships intact. Until next time, be well. -Deb Debbie Cohen is the Early Childhood Associate Director at the Springfield Jewish Community Center. The JCC is a beneficiary agency of the Jewish Federation of Western Massachusetts and of the United Way of the Pioneer Valley. Do you have a question for Debbie? Email your inquiries to dcohen@springfieldjcc.org or send your inquiry to: Debbie Cohen, Springfield JCC, 1160 Dickinson Street, Springfield, MA 01108. |
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