Here’s a simple guide to talking sports for those who don’t actually follow sportsDate: 10/7/2016 While taping “The Short List” on WFCR New England Public Radio last week, I was confronted by a question about which I was supposed to comment. I knew it was coming and I sort of dreaded it.
It was not about politics.
It was about sports.
Host Susan Kaplan now knows that I’m not a sports guy, but she follows sports and the other guest was a guy with whom I worked with for five years, Ron Chemelis, on the late and lamented WREB. Ron is most definitely a sports guy and knows baseball inside and out.
The question revolved around the distraction that professional sports give us from other issues, as well as the Red Sox’s chances.
I muddled through it while Susan and Ron sounded knowledgeable, as they both are.
Long ago I realized it was necessary to have some sort of protective coloring when it comes to interacting with the 90 percent of society that follows professional sports. People may be tolerant at least at first, but I’ve found many folks are simply dumbfounded at a professed ignorance about professional sports.
Aside from the seven years I worked at the Basketball Hall of Fame where my admiration for that game developed, sports has just never been part of my life or interest.
My parents had no interest, so watching baseball or football was not part of my childhood.
I’m sure some people see this lack of sports knowledge as a severe personality flaw. I know other things that have proven to be useful, though.
Over the years, I’ve developed several strategies revolving around how to be a non-sports guy in a world obsessed with athletic endeavor. If you’re like me you probably do some of the following things to minimize detection.
First, I least know names of teams. Occasionally one of sales guys here at Reminder Publications likes to try to trip me up by miss-matching a team and sport. I’ve not fallen yet.
Always put money in the office Super Bowl pool. It’s usually just a couple of bucks and if you win, you get a pass for while for not being a sports person.
Next, always agree with whoever is talking. If you happen to sitting in a watering hole next to someone watching the game quickly determine for which team that person is rooting and be prepared to offer support when he turns to you. If you’re like me, you also scope out another seat that is more isolated and move there under the guise of going to the men’s room.
Don’t attempt to speak about rules, the decisions of officials or statistics. You will find yourself way over your head quickly and dangerously exposed.
Be mindful of which teams are the regional favorites. Go Pats! Go Celtics! Go Bruins! Go Thunderbirds! Don’t make the rookie move of wearing fan clothing, as that will only attract questions and the threat of a real conversation about a team.
It’s not a good move to provoke fans by uttering words, even in jest, such as “Yankees.”
Have some quick rejoinders ready centering about Tom Brady and Bill Belichick. Express admiration about Brady’s demigod-like status and delight in Belichick’s crustiness.
Be prepared to celebrate the career of Big Papi. Express admiration for Gronk – ain’t he a character?
Develop other appropriate topics of conversation that can steer the talk away from sports minutia for a moment and plan your escape. Talk about Scotch or bourbon or cigars – that usually does it for me.
I hope these strategies explain the plight non-sports people such as myself are in and offer some help to those of us facing this potentially debilitating condition.
Have any other tips on talking sports as a non-sports fan? What tips can our sports fan readers offer other fans on talking to non-sports fans? Email us at news@thereminder.com.
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