|By G. Michael Dobbs|
Are you done shopping for Christmas? Well, I just have a few articles left to buy for my wife and some frivolous items for my buddy Dave's stocking, otherwise I am done.
And I still have money to pay our bills. Now, that's a Christmas miracle!
If I hit the lottery, though, I think I would expand my list a little to get the following items:
To Ken Ritchott in the Chicopee mayor's office, I'd get a foolproof camera so he never misses a shot of his boss receiving a check.
For State Senator Brian Lees, enrollment in a crash course on the court system.
To every office worker in downtown Springfield I'd give a gift certificate for an order of homemade fries from City Jakes, an over-stuffed sub from Frigo's, and a great beer from the Student Prince. Then they should all get a nap!
To the staff of Holyoke Mayor Mike Sullivan, a Segway in order to keep up with him.
In fact, Chicopee Alderman James Tillotson, who attends nearly every meeting and event in the city, should get a Segway as well.
For Springfield Mayor Charlie Ryan, a weekly deep tissue massage to work out all of the pain of governing.
To the members of the Finance Control Board, copies of Dale Carnegie's book on how to win friends and influence people.
To Brad Shepard at WHYN AM, I'd give a collection of the most obscure two-reel comedies made in the 1930s and an extra binky to give newsman John Baibak to calm him down.
Naturally, Springfield City Councilor Domenic Sarno needs a fresh pair of suspenders.
To Mino Giliberti of Buon Appetito in Westfield, a clone so he could take more time off and still cook all of those great meals.
For Chicopee Alderman George Moreau, a helicopter so he could reach that VIP billboard on I-391 and take it down himself.
For my friends at Womanshelter/Companeras, a year without an increase in domestic abuse.
To Holyoke Police Chief Tony Scott, five minutes alone with the judges who keep letting criminals back out on the street.
To every employee of Reminder Publications, the ability to turn left out of our parking lot without a five-minute wait.
To Chris and Dan Buendo, my bosses, my sincere thanks for another year of employment. And I'll keep washing your cars every week.
To Tom Devine, a royalty check, since I stole the format of this column from his web site! If you must steal, then steal from the best is one of best rules of life.
And to our readers and advertisers, our best wishes for a joyous holiday season.
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