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Date: 8/8/2023
WESTFIELD — Westfield native Jennifer Gellock will talk about about her new book, “Half of Me: An Inward Journey Back Home to Wholeness,” at the Westfield Athenaeum on Aug. 12.
Born and raised in Westfield, Gellock graduated from Westfield High School in 2008 where she was a three-sport athlete. Gellock played volleyball, basketball and softball and said sports were her life.
“I went to University of Tampa for undergrad and because I was always an athlete, I had no idea how to make friends without playing sports,” she said, adding that while she excelled in high school athletics, she wasn’t on par with the athletes in college. “I joined the basketball team as student assistant manager and worked in the sports information office. I saw things from the coaching perspective, and after undergrad I was hired as the fulltime assistant coach at St. Leo University.”
There, Gellock coached basketball and earned her master’s degree in sports management.
After St. Leo’s, Gellock continued to pursue opportunities both in her career and her education. She worked at Central Michigan University, did her dissertation at Virginia Commonwealth University, earned her Ph.D. and was an assistant professor at the University of North Alabama for two years during the coronavirus pandemic.
“That’s when I realized it was the first time I got to stop and not be in ‘go mode,’” said Gellock. “My body had a hard time physiologically adjusting. Had a few panic attacks — thought I was having a heart attack.”
Taking a breather made her focus on herself, physically, mentally and emotionally.
“I self-managed chronic anxiety my whole life, and this felt different,” she said. “I went into integrating a daily practice of journaling. Research on stress and mindset and self-worth, and that gave me a lot of self-awareness about my journey and the decisions I had make to that point. A lot of my journaling ended up turning into poetry. It explored my emotional experience, which I never gave myself permission to do. Poetry has been a beautiful way to do that.”
Gellock ended up making one more career move that she thought was her dream job — at her alma mater, the University of Tampa. But it wasn’t her dream any longer.
“Once I started back on campus, knowing myself on a deeper level, I realized I wasn’t sure I wanted to keep going down the road of academia,” recalled Gellock. “In the summer 2022 I went to Italy with a group of poets. I had this full-body-chills moment that I had 12 journals and I needed to tell my story in an artistic way. I asked the poet leading the trip to help me.”
The result was “Half of Me: An Inward Journey Back Home to Wholeness,” and a new perspective on life. For the first time, Gellock identified as something other than an athlete.
“This thematic memoir, which I self-published, covers themes of liberation, creativity, connection surrender and trust,” she said. “It invites readers to explore their inner selves.”
In addition to pouring this new self into her book of poetry, Gellock started her business — Inward Athlete — to help other athletes on their journey of self-exploration.
“Looking back, if someone had helped me do this after high school, I may not have gone into sport management,” she said.
Gellock felt compelled and inspired to share her story so that it could help others. Her entire life until a few years ago had revolved around sports. She said it was difficult to identify as anything but an athlete.
“This whole process has really opened my spiritual connection as well, and I feel called to share my book,” she said. “Every day I pray on where to go and who to serve. I’m starting in the Northeast, where I have roots, but I see myself headed west. It’s like I’m going on a pilgrimage.”
Gellock left Tampa, where her parents are now retired, and brought her cat to her sister’s house in Pennsylvania. She has several talks scheduled, including in New York and New Jersey and her former hometown.
While in Westfield, Gellock will stay with extended family and see her best friend. She hopes to reconnect with family and friends and said other than that she has just one requirement: dinner at Pasquale’s.
“Every Friday night my family would order pizza from Pasquale’s, so I’d like to go there,” she said, noting it inspired one of her poems about having a healthy relationship with food.
Gellock said this has been an amazing journey and she is excited that although she has an overall vision, she doesn’t have her entire life mapped out right now.
“Giving myself permission to go on this journey has been a journey in itself. It’s exciting — and even more exciting that I don’t know where I’ll be. I’m letting it unfold. I have a few other projects in mind — I think my next will be a memoir around my athletic experience and speak to my fellow athletes,” she said. “I think we are always athletes. The part of myself conditioned to be the scoreboard no longer determines my worth. I love to be active, but it’s not my athletic identity that determines my worth, or any label.”
Gellock will read from her book Aug. 12 at the Westfield Athenaeum’s Lang Auditorium at 1 p.m. Books will be available for purchase after the talk. The Athenaeum is at 6 Elm St., Westfield.