Date: 4/25/2023
April is sexual assault awareness month, and the Southern Hilltown Domestic Violence Task Force has some tips for talking to children about safety. While many of us still think about strangers when we think about sexual assault, research tell us that as many as 90% of situations where a child is sexually harmed, the child (and often their family) knows the person who has caused harm.
These suggestions for talking to children are adapted from Stop It Now!, a national organization that works to stop sexual abuse.
• Model healthy boundaries. Sometimes we unintentionally confuse kids by insisting they hug a relative or friend, or by saying “Do whatever the babysitter tells you to do.” Help your children practice setting respectful boundaries. If they don’t want to hug a relative, help them say no politely or help them find another way to greet their relative, e.g., shaking hands, fist bump. If needed, step in and help your relatives understand that no disrespect is intended and that you are encouraging boundary setting for safety reasons.
• Use concrete examples. For example, talk through with your child what they would do if they were at a friend’s house and a friend’s older sibling asked them to play a game that made them feel uncomfortable or weird, or involved physical contact. Make it clear that they can tell you and that they won’t get in trouble for telling.
• Talk about touch. Tell your children something like, “It is not OK for anyone to touch you in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable — even if it is someone you are close to and care about, and even if you like the person. Your body is yours alone and you always have a right to say no.”
• Explain about tricks. Explain that sometimes people use tricks or bribes to keep children from telling things. They might tell a child that the abuse is their fault, that no one will believe them, or that if the child tells, something bad will happen. Reassure your children that they can tell you anything. Remind them that some secrets should not be kept, and that if someone tricks them it is never their fault.
• Involve other adults. Sometimes children find it easier to talk to other adults. Ask your child, “If you didn’t want to tell me something important, what other adult could you talk to?” Reassure them that it would be OK with you if they told this other trusted adult and that your main concern is their safety.
• Be approachable. By making it normal to have these kinds of conversations, you send the message that your child can talk to you — even if something has already happened.
If you would like more information, please feel free to call the child witness advocate at Hilltown Safety at Home, Patti McManamy, at 413-667-2203. And finally, we want to thank everyone for all you already do to keep our community safe, healthy and strong.
Lindsey Maxwell, Kim Savery and Monica Moran
Southern Hilltown Domestic Violence Task Force
Huntington
