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Date: 7/18/2022
Mike Dobbs and I were having a conversation in his office on July 7. Our talks usually begin with work topics – a story he’s working on, our need for more writers, our editorial budget. Then – before we know it – we’re discussing our weekend plans, what movies he’s watching, what we’re going to have a drink of when we get out of work (him: bourbon, me: gin and tonic,) our pets, our families.
I told Mike that I was planning on working remote a day the following week because I wanted to go with my dad for a visit mid-day to my grandparents’ house to see my Nana and Pop who I hadn’t seen in – admittedly – too long. In Mike’s typical nature he said, “Sure, take all the time you need.”
We continued to talk about seasons of life. How I’m fully in the season of life where everyone I know is getting married, how Mike – his words, not mine – is in the season of life where people are passing away. I told him my fear was that I was entering that season as well.
The day after that conversation, my family received the call that my Pop had passed away.
I never got to have that visit.
Now, it is 3:28 p.m. on July 8, and I cannot believe I just added my grandfather’s name to our obituaries listing mere hours after his passing. And that I am going to have to repeat this process many more times in my life.
I have been incredibly, incredibly lucky. For all 26 years of my life – three weeks shy of 27 years – I have been blessed beyond belief to have had all four of my grandparents in my life. So many of my friends ... actually ... I don’t think any of my closest friends have all of their grandparents. Many of them lost their grandparents long ago.
I don’t know about you – but I believe in signs. Don’t worry – nothing too out there – but I do take notice of what I consider small signs from another place. What is giving me peace right now, is when my Nana, parents, brother, aunts, uncles, cousins and I were all sitting in a room together mourning our collective loss, a beautiful red cardinal flew right up to the window and sat for a moment on a branch. I instantly had chills and told everyone to look at the cardinal. I glanced at one of my aunts – I could tell we were both thinking the same thing.
It is said that cardinals are an “uplifting, happy sign that those we have lost will live forever, so long as we keep their memory alive in our hearts,” and that “spotting a cheerful red cardinal means that their family member or friend is safe and happy, even if they are far way,” according to birdsandblooms.com.
I had committed to go to a wedding in Vermont on July 9 and 10, and I chose to still attend. On the drive up, the day after Pop’s passing, my boyfriend and I stopped into the Vermont Country Store in Bellows Falls. As I was perusing the Christmas decoration section, I saw a beautiful, handcrafted ornament.
A cardinal.
I purchased the cardinal, and I will treasure it every holiday season.
I can’t tell you how hard it was to not cry watching the grandparents of the bride and groom walk down the aisle at that wedding. But I know on my wedding day, though he may not be in person, my Pop will be there. Even if it’s in the symbolic form of a cardinal in the trees.
It is so easy to get caught up in the day-to-day circus of work and the immediate bubble and neglect other aspects of life. I have been so busy focusing on all my responsibilities, both inside and outside the office, that any free time I have had in the past few months has been dedicated to getting chores done that I’ve pushed aside or getting a few hours of sleep. I have a hard time slowing down.
But as one of our new members of the sales team, Cindy St. George, had suggested to me a week prior to my conversation with Mike when I boasted, once again, that I still had all four of my grandparents – take one more picture with your loved ones, she said. Make those phone calls. Have those visits.
I will be taking her advice.